Paragraph 1

It's been a while......  Snow, travel, nothing to say, too much to say.....all amount to a long time since I've written.  Not even sure what to write about as I start writing now but I know something always comes to me somehow.  I guess I feel like I am so bored with my own situation that I figure I should just stop whining until I take some action.......or just stop complaining.   Sometimes I get so spiraled out of control in my head thinking "what I should do" and going around in circles until I think my head will explode.  Then I have a moment where I will just think STOP!  Just stop.  Calm down, do nothing, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.  I find this place where I'm comfortable believing that if it's so hard for me to figure out what the next move should be, then maybe the next move hasn't presented itself yet.  Sometimes I have other people making me feel like I should be "doing" something......I can't tell you how many times I've been asked why we haven't gotten divorced yet, what are we waiting for......How about this: "mind your own business"........

Sweet Love and I are good.  A little space has developed but not bad space.  I think we are trying to make peace with what is real and living our lives and loving each other but not being so constantly connected with each other.  It feels right to me.  That is another area of pressure and when I stop trying to find a solution I'm way more peaceful.  I guess I've unclenched my fists a little in trying to keep control of everything.

H. has been a complete A&(&^hole.  The only time he's civilized is when he's at work and we're on the phone.  Any other time and he is pretty much horrible to me.  I'm just taking deep breathes and trying to follow my own pearls of wisdom (see paragraph 1)..........

Bottom line: get divorced here and listen to my jail cell door slam shut or move - which you all know has it's own problems or........defer once again to paragraph #1, which is what I think I'll do for today.

;)