It has been so long since I last posted. I'm not sure why but I guess I just didn't have the urge to write and felt I didn't have anything much to say......
I think I feel somewhat embarrassed to admit that nothing has changes...... still married, still with Sweet Love, still agonizing over how impossible it all is...... pretty boring.
I think the one thing that has changed , or just gotten better, is how Sweet Love and I communicate and handle things. It seems that we learn more every day about each other, our relationship, etc. I think that she is not happy that I am not divorced but doesn't pressure me. I don't do it because I'm terrified to be subject to the laws of my state until eternity. I know I am not really prepared to move to the next state, I will have to deal with the laws in my state, but yet, I can't accept it. I think acceptance is a really huge thing that I need to work on. I also, truthfully, think I STILL, after all this time, can't accept the loss of my "family". SORRY......It sounds SO PATHETIC. But if I don't write the truth, what good is writing?
My H. has a GF. She's very nice, no problem there. But it EATS away at me that she is with my son playing family. It eats at me knowing that he is the person with her (right now) that I married and fell in love with. More acceptance to work on.........
Hope all of you on this journey are doing well and finding peace.
Sasha
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Keep writing. I can relate in many ways. I am married, 45 yrs old, 3 beautiful children and a loving husband. I wish the inner struggle would just vanish. But it won't...so I just accept myself and try to find the blessings in each day.
ReplyDeleteI have tried to post 2 times...I hope this works. My message is just keep writing!
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